![]() ![]() Involve your child in designing this space, if possible. Why is this important? It prevents the unpleasant back-and-forth that can occur when toddlers come out of a safe space before they are calm. This space does need boundaries this means that your child can't leave on their own. If your child is being destructive and out-of-control, put them in a safe, loving space. This makes it less likely that your child will calm down and be able to learn from the experience. If you get angry, you are more likely to intensify the interaction. ![]() As a parent, you’ve done your job: you set a limit and stopped (or prevented) the harmful behavior. Your goal is to show that you’re not angry, and that you’re still loving and connected even when your toddler behaves aggressively. You might say something like, “when you’re done being upset, we can try again.” If your child is out-of-control but isn’t being destructive and doesn’t need to be physically contained, move on. Some kids also find it soothing to bury themselves in the couch cushions! 3. This may include squishy balls, larger foam balls, Chewlery necklaces to bite, Play-Doh or slime, and weighted balls. It can be helpful to create a bin of objects that your child can safely squeeze, hit, kick, bite, or throw. Instead, your child needs an acceptable alternative: “If you need to hit, here’s an object that doesn’t have feelings that you can hit.” If your child behaves aggressively to meet a sensory need, talking won't help your child overcome their impulses and use their thinking brain. Offer an acceptable way for your child to get the physical need met. ![]() I will keep you safe.”Īs noted above, avoid using shaming language such as "violent" or "mean." Stick to objectively describing your child's actions. Your mind and body are just out of control. As you are securing your child, in a quiet voice you might repeat a mantra, such as: “You are having a hard time. Getting your child to their car seat (carrying them, if they're having a meltdown) to go home.ĭo your best to implement this calmly to help lower the intensity level. Strollers are helpful because they ensure you can maintain control, secure your child, and keep everyone safe. Putting your child in a stroller if you're outside the house. I am going to help your body get back in control and help you be safe.” People have feelings and I know you don't mean to be hurtful. Stop the aggressive behavior while calmly and matter-of-factly stating the limit. Here's a 6-step plan for how to deal with an aggressive child: 1. When you're responding to an aggressive toddler, try to focus on teaching, not punishing. Next up, you’ll learn six steps for how to deal with an aggressive child. In the early years, they're still learning how to deal with big emotions. As they grow, the part of the brain that helps us process feelings and experiences (the prefrontal cortex) gets stronger. Toddlers are likely to be driven by the "fight, flight, or freeze" part of the brain when experiencing stress. When this happens, they're less able to calm themselves and self-regulate.Īge and Development: Young children’s brains are still in the early stages of development. When children experience a stressful event, such as separation, loss, or witnessing a traumatic event, they may struggle to cope with the big feelings. Life Experiences: Major life changes or big experiences can lead to an increase in aggressive behavior. Their sensory needs are stronger than their logic, so telling them to stop hitting or biting won't help them make a better decision. They may love the feeling of moving into things with great force, including people. Some children are “sensory seekers." They crave sensory input. Sensory system: Highly sensitive children who are uncomfortable with people physically close may bite to keep others away. Temperament: Excitable, physical, and/or highly active children are more likely to struggle with impulse control. There are a few important factors to keep in mind that make it more likely that a child will act with aggression: ![]()
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